I haven't posted for a bit, because I've been struggling with the idea that my son may never be a cookie cutter kid. His mannerisms, picky picky eating, scripting, desire to march to his own drummer are all things that have him pouring over the perfect mold.
This is something I think of EVERY DAY. Its hard not to when the first thing you see in the morning is your son's face peaking under your covers 2 inches from your face then him immedietly talking out the Super Why episode he wants to watch that morning. Sometimes I get the "hi mommy", but not that often.
Now I just have to find a way to accept that he may never, even with new language "fit in" so to speak. Don't get me wrong I have hope, but I think acceptance of his differences will bring me and Will more peace right now. Having only one child is sometimes a good thing, as I don't really know in detail what typical kids his age do. On the other had I feel like I spend a little time everyday mourning what I had envisioned his childhood to be like, which I know is not productive.
Today pushed me right over the edge as I turned the tables on Will and demanded he answer my question in the middle of his script this morning. I changed the words and tried to make him answer me. This was not successful and ending up with Will screaming and crying asking me to sing him songs (to calm him down). Afterward I felt terrible. Why had I done this? The answer was for myself. Making him so upset had no benefit for him and in fact took away the one person who was suppose to be there for him and accept him. It hit me how selfish I'd been, pushing what I wanted him to be, and not allowing Will to be who he is, which is a wonderfully quirky little boy with the best smile on the planet.
So now I guess I have to learn from this colossal mistake and move on trying to be more accepting and let Will be Will, however that ends up. He didn't ask to be born and he isn't here to make me happy, that is all my doing and I need to honor Will's individuality and journey in this world.
Time to burn that mold.
Here is a video of my lovely child and the reason I need an attitude adjustment. Who couldn't love and accept this little guy?
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2 comments:
He's adorable, Janet! Just wonderful. I would be proud to have him be friends with my equally quirky son.
Imagine how boring life would be with a "normal" kid. ;)
Thanks Missy. I agree normal at this point would prove to be very boring!
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